Personalisation Explained
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Understanding Personalisation
Personalisation involves interpreting external events as though they are directly related to you or what you have done rather than being attributed to other factors.
The problem with personalising events is that it can lead to feelings of guilt and a tendency to get upset very easily as you see things as your fault.
At worst, it can lead to paranoid thoughts and low self esteem.
Examples of Personalisation
You feel guilty when your friend is upset and you don't seem to be able to make them feel better.
You think to yourself 'If I was a better friend I'd know just what to say to cheer them up. Obviously I've offended them in some way'.
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You feel upset when you bump into a friend in the local shopping centre after she only gives you a cursory 'hello' and rushes off.
You conclude that you have done something to make them unhappy with you.
How to Stop Personalisation Errors
Try to think of alternative possibilities that DON'T involve you directly, for example:
Alternative Contributory Factors
Perhaps your friend has been suffering with Depression or Anxiety that you didn't know about, or perhaps they just had some bad news about a family member.
There could be a million other possible reasons why they seem inconsolable, and most of those will be completely outside of your control or influence.
Consider Why People Might Respond To You In These Ways
Don't jump to the immediate conclusion that the way people respond is directly related to you.
You really don't know what they're feeling or thinking and they may even be feeling really bad about rushing off without stopping to talk to you.
They may simply be having their own bad day.
Remember, it's not really all about you, nobody inhabits the centre of the universe, so try to consider the wider range of possibilities beyond yourself.
Identity Integration: Being Your Authentic Self
The idea behind identity integration is to help people develop a consistent sense of self regardless of the contexts they find themselve in.
Over the last 15 years here at TranceForm I have encountered literally hundreds of clients who tell me that they only suffer their particular ‘problem’ in certain situations, for example….
Low Frustration Tolerance in Mental Health Problems
Low frustration tolerance is the idea that when things become difficult or uncomfortable that they are somehow ‘intolerable’.
The problem with this thinking error is that you are less likely to tolerate discomfort even if by doing so you would obtain a benefit in the future.
Imperative Thinking
To understand Imperative Thinking we can turn to Albert Ellis, founder of REBT, who emphasised that ‘demands’ lie at the very heart of emotional problems.
The thoughts and beliefs that contain words such as ‘must’, ‘need’, ‘should, ‘ought-to’ and ‘got-to’ can be problematic as they are rigid and inflexible leading to poor adaptation to reality.
Looking to minimise a personalisation trend?
We offer all prospective clients an hour long, informal and confidential chat to discuss your mental health needs for just £30.
♦ Ongoing sessions:
Typically weekly or fortnightly, tailored to your needs.
♦ Location:
Comfortable private setting near Wolverhampton / Wombourne, with free parking.
Secure online therapy available with Paul across the UK.
♦ Fees:
Ongoing sessions: £90/hr