Self-Esteem: Understanding Self-Evaluation
Post Contents
What is Self-Esteem?
Self-Esteem is the outcome of what you believe about YOURSELF rather than what is true about yourself (beliefs are NOT facts).
It is how much you value yourself and your abilities to cope with the general trials and tribulations of life and is one of the 3 core beliefs that impact our lives.
Many people find this difficult to believe and prefer to think of self esteem as something that they are 'born' with and that cannot be changed.
However, this is not true and a little self reflection will probably allow you to think of times when you felt 'great' and 'full of confidence' in the past.
For example, if you are married, wasn't your wedding day a major highlight in your life?
If you drive a car, wasn't finally passing your test just the best thing that 'ever happened'?
If you think about esteem in these terms, then you will probably realise that the way you feel and have felt about yourself over your life has probably changed frequently, from times when it was very low to other times when you felt 'on top of the world'.
What Determines Self-Esteem?
People tend to believe that the events that happen to them drive their self-esteem, but we believe that there is a subtle proviso to this assertion, and that it is the way that we "make sense" of the things that happen to us that influences how we feel about ourselves rather than the events themselves.
This idea, that it is the way that we make sense of experiences that affects us as opposed to external events determining the way we feel, is fundamental to how CBT works.
Furthermore, we are much more likely to value ourselves and our achievements (and therefore have a more positive view of ourselves) if we have an internal locus of control.
Having an internal locus of control means, for example, that if you pass your driving test you are more likely to believe that you passed because of the time, effort and skills you utilised (internal LOC) rather than you passed by pure "fluke" or you were "lucky" (external LOC).
In this way, your sense of self-value is intimately linked to your locus of control.
Beliefs Associated with a Low or High Self-Esteem
Low Self-Esteem
- I feel like a bit of a failure
- I focus on my mistakes
- I am a perfectionist
- I feel uncomfortable when people compliment me
- Praising yourself is just wrong
High Self-Esteem
- I feel confident in my abilities
- I dedicate time to thinking about what I've done well
- My best is good enough, even if it's not perfect
- I appreciate positive comments from people
- It's good to recognise your successes
Thinking Errors in CBT
Most people won’t spend much time mulling over the pros and cons of the way that they think, but if you do want to change something about yourself that seems to be out of your control, then it might be a good idea!
Safety Behaviours & Avoidance
Safety Behaviours and Avoidance Strategies are the tactics and behaviours we adopt in an attempt to protect ourselves from adverse situations.
In the face of anxiety, stress, and other forms of mental distress, it’s natural for us to seek out ways to cope.
Limiting Beliefs Explained
Limiting beliefs are ANY beliefs that you have that ‘limit’ your life in some way, or are in some way disadvantageous to you (be aware that what you believe might be advantageous may in fact be seriously limiting!).
But what does this mean?
Looking to improve your self-esteem?
We offer all prospective clients an hour long, informal and confidential chat to discuss your mental health needs for just £30.
♦ Ongoing sessions:
Typically weekly or fortnightly, tailored to your needs.
♦ Location:
Comfortable private setting near Wolverhampton / Wombourne, with free parking.
Secure online therapy available with Paul across the UK.
♦ Fees:
Ongoing sessions: £90/hr