Personalisation Thinking Errors
Personalisation & Removing Yourself from the Centre of the Universe
Personalising involves interpreting external events as though they are directly related to you or what you have done rather than being attributed to other factors.
The problem with personalising events is that it can lead to feelings of guilt and a tendency to get upset very easily as you see things as your fault. At worst, it can lead to paranoid thoughts.
Examples of Personalisation
You feel guilty when your friend is upset and you don’t seem to be able to make them feel better. You think to yourself ‘ If I was a better friend I’d know just what to say to cheer them up. Obviously I’ve offended them in some way’.
You feel upset when you bump into a friend in the local shopping centre after she only gives you a cursory ‘hello’ and rushes off. You conclude that you have done something to make them unhappy with you.
How to Stop Personalising
Try to think of alternative possibilities that DON’T involve you directly, for example:
Alternative Contributory Factors
Perhaps your friend has been suffering with Depression or Anxiety that you didn’t know about, or perhaps they just had some bad news about a family member. There could be a million other possible reasons why they seem inconsolable, and most of those will be completely outside of your control or influence.
Consider Why People Might Respond To You In These Ways
Don’t jump to the immediate conclusion that the way people respond is directly related to you. You really don’t know what they’re feeling or thinking and they may even be feeling really bad about rushing off without stopping to talk to you. They may simply be having their own bad day.
Remember, it’s not really all about you, nobody inhabits the centre of the universe, so try to consider the wider range of possibilities beyond yourself.
Transform Your Thinking & Stop Personalising External Factors
If you want to change your tendency to personalise events that are not really about you then we highly recommend following either our Advanced Cognitive Behavioural Therapy course with Paul, or the Changing Limiting Beliefs (CLB) Programme with Joan.
Both the CBT course and Changing Limiting Beliefs approach are highly successful & pragmatic psychological training programmes, run over 10 sessions, that will teach you everything you need to know to understand your problem, identify how unhelpful thinking and limiting beliefs might be reinforcing the issue, and then show you how to make any changes to your unhelpful thinking styles or maladaptive safety behaviours that you may have developed as part of your coping strategies.
Our CBT programme is an evidence-based, research supported approach used by mental health practitioners around the World.
FREE Initial Consultations for Personalisation Issues
We offer all prospective clients a FREE initial assessment to chat about your personalisation thinking errors. During this 50 minute consultation we will discuss the various options that are available to you and make a considered recommendation based on your individual personal circumstances.
At TranceForm we believe that therapy & coaching should be a collaboration between therapist and client so it’s very important to be able to meet PRIOR to agreeing any kind of help. Our policy is to help people make a fully balanced & considered decision about undertaking therapy with us, including both the financial and personal implications.
For most mental health issues we recommend following our 10 session Tranceformental CBT Programme (an advanced version of conventional Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) to overcome a wide range of mental health and behavioural problems.
CBT is a proven form of therapy for developing a fundamental level of understanding into the dynamics of your problem, but also for learning new coping skills and strategies for sustainable change over your life.